Friday, July 9, 2010
We hope everyone had a fun and safe 4th of July weekend…we made the most of ours, although I’ve come to realize the 4th is always going to be a ‘rough spot’ for us when it comes to missing Coleman- not that every day doesn’t have its rough moments, but the 4th was his favorite holiday, and like I whispered to his picture- “we’re doing our best C-Man, but it’s just not the same without you here…” Boy did he LOVE the “Fourf of Joo-why”… and the ache seems so gigantic when it comes to celebrations without him here to celebrate with us. We’re thankful for all the memories we have…and we know we’ll need to learn to celebrate with him in our hearts instead of here physically-
We took Caden to the carnival and he had a good time- he rode the rides with many of his buddies from school…he’s really growing and changing every day- and I notice it even more when I look back to pictures and videos of him and Coleman together…at times that seems so long ago…they were such a part of each other, I’m so proud of the way Caden looks for the good in things though… He teaches us how to live for the now. He almost always has a smile on his face, but he has his moments too…
I think the whole carnival and everything brought back a lot of memories for him as well…So many of the rides and games were the same ones he and Cman did together. There were times during the parade he’d mention Coleman…a firehouse went by on a float and he turned around and said, “hey mom! Remember when Coleman FREAKED out in that firehouse in New York?”
We giggled and then he’d sit down quiet for a while. It amazes me sometimes the memories he does have of things I wouldn’t think he’d remember. He was feeling a little down after the parade…when we came home I got out the jello poke cake he and I had made the night before…after THIS, we got a smile back on his face! :)
And during the fireworks we of course knew Coleman sent the green ones as we sat in the back of the pick-up with his empty spot so noticeable.
Caden told me one night before bed, “my eyes are watering….I don’t know if I have something in ‘em, or if it’s from missing Coleman.” It’s so hard to watch him miss his other half…Most days he’s happy-go-lucky, but then he has his moments when I know he’s hurting too. He told me one day, “I use to have a brother, but I don’t anymore. Dead is Dead…and that means they don’t come back…right mom?” I told him, “you will ALWAYS have a brother Caden, he’s just not here with us, but Coleman is ALWAYS in our hearts, and always watching over you…and some day we will be with him again…remember that.” He just sighed and said, “I know, but I wish he was HERE NOW.”
Grief is a journey…and just when you think MAYBE you have a handle on it, and you’re going along, something comes and stabs you in the heart again… Caden wanted me to measure and weigh him last week- Inside our pantry door we started marking the boys heights and weights way back when…after I marked Caden he went off to play, and I just sat staring at that door and it hit me so hard that Coleman’s mark was never going to move…and the tears flowed.
Its little things that hit me the hardest sometimes…but that’s when God picks me up and reminds me of all the blessings I have…and I have sooooo much to be thankful for. THAT is what I focus on because Coleman would want us to… it would be so easy to fall and be taken over by grief and the ‘only-if’s’….but I remind myself that Coleman would NOT want it that way…HE would want us to ‘be happy’. Every day I’m reminded of his “NEVA DIV UP!” And I’m thankful for all he taught me….we are so blessed with ALL he brought to our lives- and we know we will be with him again one day. Yes, we fall…but God always picks us back up.
And so we go on…
Look what parked in a spot next to ours last weekend- I could just HEAR Coleman say- “welllllll you weally don’t see THAT eveeee day, DO ya?” :)
I argue with myself some days of WISHING for things to be the way I want them to be, and telling myself that the most important thing Coleman’s life taught us was to be GRATEFUL for what we have…right here, right now. I know for sure he wouldn’t want us living in the past, longing for things to have turned out differently. We can’t change the past. We CAN carry it with us and live for today& make the most of our future. He’d want us to take what we have RIGHT NOW and look for the good in it. He taught me not to take things for granted… That life can change in an instant, and if you’re always WANTING for something, you’ll miss out on what is right in front of you, and God’s blessings of TODAY.
Coleman was one smart cookie…
Of course you know I have more pictures to share. HAHA
BUT before those, a few funnies from Caden Dale…THESE keep ME smiling! :)
One day I told him, “Caden, you are FRUSTRATING ME!” He said, “yeah, it’s alllllll part-a my REP-YOU-TAY-SHUN!....is that a real word mom? I think I heard it somewhere!”
Last week I was getting a few groceries while Scott and Cade waited in the pick-up. When I came out I said, “sorry it took me so long” Caden said, “that’s okay, we were just watchin girls go by. If they were pretty I said, “hey baby, what’s happenin?” and if they were old ladies I just said, “Hey- how’s the world treatin ya?” (Scott swore he had no part in it- and he was on his cell phone the whole time. Haha)
Let’s see what else? Oh- Cade wanted to bring his kitten Graycee May in the house one day to ‘play’….he came running yelling “OH NO! EMERGENCY! EVACUATE! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!?!?!” I said, “she better not have gone to the bathroom in here!” He said, “nooo mom! She needs help!” Then he came carrying the barn from his toyroom. Here’s a picture of the barn AFTER the incident…
Oh I wish I would have had the camera ready DURING the whole thing- but you’ll have to picture it….He had put the kitten inside the barn and closed the lid. She stuck her head through the tiny window and was STUCK! I thought she was going to choke and die right there in front of him, and I started to panic right along with him. We were trying to get her head out, but it wasn’t budging. He said, “get the butter!” I said, “We are NOT putting butter on her!” I tried to pull and pull on her but was afraid I was going to break her neck…and she just sat there- no help at all. I just kept racking my brain on what we could do as Caden jumped around tearing up. FINALLY she got tired of looking around I guess and after much tugging she got her head back through on her own. WHEW! She staggered back out the door and hasn’t wanted to come back in since! It took a while for my heart rate to go back down after that one! :) He went out to ‘check on her’ and as he sat stroking her I heard him say, “I think we need to change your name to LUCKY!”
One day something on the ceiling caught my eye…I kept looking at it wondering what in the heck it was. After a while I yelled for Caden and asked him, “is that GUM up there????” He got a guilty look on his face and said, “ummm, yeah I think it is.” I asked him HOW gum got on our ceiling and he just did an upward throwing action with his arm and his eyebrows in the air with an ‘ut-oh’ look on his face. I asked him how many throws it took before it stuck…He smiled and said, “only two!” like, ‘can you believe that???’
I took him to the pool today. When I told him it was time to leave he asked me, “well…..can’t we just wait for the coast-guard to blow her whistle for break time?” (he meant LIFEguard) I think I need to get this kid out more! haha
Yep- he keeps us busy, but we wouldn’t want it any other way…I will have LOTS of stories to tell HIS kids one day, and I’m sure a few of HIS antics are payback for what Scott and I were like at his age??? Yikes.
Thanks for checking in on us…your continued prayers and support mean so much.
Here’s a link to an article from one of the Fort Dodge papers on CAREPAGES…and how much your messages helped us through Coleman’s journey- and continue to lift us! Thanks so much Katie Averill for the article!
Hope you are enjoying your summer!
BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL-
FOREVER TEAM LARSON
Scott and Caden fishing…
Caden on one of our HOT days-
And a few from our 4th…
I’ll be updating again soon….Caden and I have a little project we’re working on in memory of Coleman, and I have some info to share for those of you who haven’t heard about the 46 mommas who are shaving their heads in “Shave for the Brave”! Amazing ladies!!! More on that coming up…
Thanks again for your messages to let us know you still check in on us…